Friday, April 20, 2007

My Fantasy Exit from Iraq

I had a dream last night. It was amazingly real although even while I was dreaming it I knew it was too, too good to be true. There I was with my good buddy Jane Stillwater and we were discussing how the American people had spontaneously risen up and determined that enough was enough. “Out of Iraq, they said.” Then they put the punctuation points on by storming the White House and hauling George W. Bush out by his britches. The Secret Service applauded and held up numbers to vote on the performance. Then someone went and fetched Cheney and the whole crowd carried the two of them and some of their favorite people like Karl Rove and Condi Rice to the Presidential Helicopter.

Laura Bush, Barbara, and the girls were smiling and waving good by. Don't ask me what this all means.

So the clutch of these whining and whimpering bags of shivering trembles were transported to a C 130, very sparse on amenities, and a huge flight of planes lifted off, heading towards Iraq. I got to be in charge of the pundits they had snagged to accompany the Guests of Honor; Hah! Ann Coulter was complaining about the lack of respect. At one point she smacked Bush and told him to shut up. I sort of liked her at that point. Drudge and John Fund just sort of shivered and puked.

Then we were setting down at the Baghdad Airport and a parade began to form made up of funky old cars and wheel barrows. Bush got his own wheel barrow and Cheney got to push it. It was not your ordinary Rose parade sort of event. But what they were throwing was soft ; it made a splat when it hit. Cheney took one that looked like it was still warm right in the nose. It didn't hurt them too much. People were pretty annoyed with Bush and Cheney ; but you probably know that. No one was hurt. The welcoming committee had told us they had special plans for all of their 'guests.'

Jane gave me a tour around the Green Zone with a special emphasis on the palace. 30 foot ceilings.though all of that seemed to have changed from what she said. She showed me the trailer where she stayed and Saddam's swimming pool;the garden where she had washed her clothes and the fantastic buffet where they ate.

The people had put up the old Saddam Statue with a plaque that said, “Better than Bush.”

Soldiers and other personnel were getting ready to climb on board those planes; The Home Lift is scheduled to last for a week, then all of us Americans will be gone with the exception of the people we brought along. They are staying. Like I said, the Iraqis have plans for them.

I woke up too soon. I am hoping tonight I get another installment. It beats reality for sure.